I don't think we choose to love or not love. The emotion that love describes is not something we can consciously control.

We can choose how to react to those feelings.

Can we "fake it til we make it"? I think we probably can to some extent. Not always though. Emotions are unwieldy things.

I don't think that we choose (or not) to love.

As Tex said, we can't control love, but we can control our reactions to it. We can either embrace it a revel in it, or we can smother it, try to hide it.

I think that time enables us to bury true love until it no longer manifests itself daily, but I think that it's always there.....

So no, to answer your question - love is not a choice. How we react to it is.

love is a choice. sure, your "heart" can do whatever it wants to do, but all the decisions are made upstairs and the heart better follow along, or ELSE! what's beautiful is when your heart and mind get together and agree. that totally rocks. most people try to do that, i think. isn't that what's called "easy love"?

Love isn't a choice. It can be taught, therefore, in some ways it can be controlled, schooled, managed. It is more like a creative force.

Sometimes you can make the answer clearer by asking an opposite question. Is Hate a choice?

Is Hate a choice?

I feel that hate is a choice. You feel anger about some imagined slight against you, you choose to hold onto that anger and let it fester, and you hate. You give in to the reaction, your feeling there, and you hold onto it. I'm not very good at hating for long periods of time... I find it exhausting to hold onto something like that.

I guess that does make it a little clearer.

I agree with you that hate is a choice. It is exhausting to hate someone.

As for love, I agree with your first two commenters.

When the Bible tells us to love our enemies, it's talking about a verb, not an emotion.

A couple of years ago I had a really difficult time dealing with someone in my church. She just rubbed me the wrong way. I was so frustrated and just didn't FEEL any love for this person. Then God showed me that I don't have to feel it. Love is a verb... an action word. So I began treating this person with love. I didn't feel love for her, but I went out of my way to act loving toward her. I looked for opportunities to serve her... to show her love... and you know what? Eventually those feelings grew out of my intent to love her... my decision to love her. There are times that she still can drive me up the wall, granted... but they are fewer and farther in between, and even at the height of the irritation, there is a deep and abiding love in my heart for this sister in Christ that transcends everything else. It helps me to see past the things that bother me, the sinfulness, the humanity... and to see her as a daughter of the King, someone I dearly love and can't imagine my life without. I can't explain how it got there, other than by the grace of God. If you make a conscious decision to love someone, and ACT on that, God will bless and honor that and before you know it, you will find your heart toward that person changing.

Emotions follow, yes... but I think the command to love is a conscious decision we make. Feelings follow our actions and thoughts. Love is a powerful emotion as well... but if all you have is emotion, what do you do when you hit rocky patches? It falls apart. It takes both.

I agree with you that hate is a choice. It is exhausting to hate someone.As for love, I agree with your first two commenters.

Heather: Is the distinction you make that hate is exhaustive, but love isn't?

Feelings follow our actions and thoughts.

I agree... which is why I disagree with:

When the Bible tells us to love our enemies, it's talking about a verb, not an emotion.

If the feelings will follow (and I believe they will follow), and you are obligated to do the actions, won't you then feel the emotion? Additionally, I think that sincerity of action is important as well... harboring hatred while commiting acts of love is just a lie, IMO.


Thanks to everyone for the comments, though.

I think love isn't something you fall in like falling in a puddle. I don't believe in love at first sight maybe that makes me unromantic. I do believe that you can have an instant attraction to someone but haven't we all had someone we were attracted to when we saw them and as soon as we talked to them they became unattractive in our eyes? I know I have.

Is the distinction you make that hate is exhaustive, but love isn't?

Love is effortless. (Depending on the person!)

Hate destroys, tears down, and demeans. It takes energy and taxes the will.

I suggest you look at the case studies of emotional attachment by other animals.

Some very interesting findings have occured with chimps, gorillas and elephants to name a few.
All these animals have shown very human-like levels of love.

Examples:
Adolescent apes refusing to leave the corpse of their dead mother even those the rest of the group moves on. Eventually the child ape dies from starvation even though he was capable of living on with the rest of the group.

Elephants visiting the graves of their ancestors.
Elephants showing strong emotional reactions when reunited with long lost relatives in captivity.

With an open mind you can discover that "love" my not be that special and is simply a way to describe emotional attachment which can occur in many different and abstract ways.

Some examples:
Hostages having an emotional attachment (love) towards their captors
Physical abuse victims feeling love for their abusers.
Strangers falling in love with powerful figures i.e. woman marrying mass murdereres who are in jail.

The phrase "love to hate" begs the question if "hate" is really that bad in it's pure non-affecting form.