Published on January 1, 2005 By pseudosoldier In Personal Relationships
Normally, I don't see New Year's Eve as a means for reflecting. Maybe it's that I reflect too often upon the past at other times... minor regrets from years past. It was just that NYE never seemed like the end of anything. All too often, it was the middle of a school year. It has also been the middle of a mission.
Holidays can, of course, be harder if you face them without others. That is my current state, both situationally out of my control and through my own choices and influence. My reflections, however, aren't so much about specific regrets. I fear that I may fall back into a minor, generalized funk, and slip into mild self-loathing.

"I am not, by nature, a happy man." A quote from my days as Cadet Staff Sergeant pseudosoldier.

But, instead, I should endeavor to quell those regrets. Obviously, I can't eliminate the past events. But I can attempt to avoid those situations in the future. Just, how much do I want it?
The financial situation is a minor problem, and can be fixed through not quite a budget but instead a simple accounting of what I spend on what. Multiple incomes and check books add to the confusion. A ledger, perhaps, addresses the issue.
My physical issues are also relatively minor. Just get up and around more often, eat a bit less, right? Again, a matter of motivation.
My personal happiness is not particularly an issue. I just need to figure out what I really want...

I suppose it's not so bad, after all. Perhaps it's the Knob Creek (ran out of Old Crow last night) aggravating the issue. Perhaps I should've stayed for a bit down at the Old Homestead. I suppose it doesn't matter. I'll be unconscious before tomorrow, and awake before I know it.

Comments
on Jan 01, 2005
Happy new year . . . take care of yourself.
on Jan 01, 2005
Thank you. Right back atcha. I didn't think I'd be up for midnight, local, so I already celebrated on Greenwich Mean Time. Man, I gotta rack out soon...
on Jan 01, 2005
Happy New Year, Pseudo. I hope it's a better one for all of us.
on Jan 01, 2005
Thanks, friend. The sentiment is much appreciated, and returned in the same spirit.
on Jan 02, 2005
Take courage, pseudo! God be with you in all things. Kick regrets right out the door. They serve no purpose. My prayers are with you. Happy New Year! If you see greywar, please tell him to read his e-mails and answer them. Will that do any good? Probably not!
on Jan 03, 2005
My prayers are with you.


Thank you. That means a lot.
on Jan 03, 2005
I hope your 2005 will be better than your 2004. Best wishes
on Jan 04, 2005
I hope your 2005 will be better than your 2004.


That's kind of you. Thank you for the sentiment, but perhaps I made it sound worse than it really was.

I'm not an optimist. I'm not a very positive person. I'm just trying to resolve to look more to the future than to the past. (Of course, there are some friends who think when I do that I worry too much...)