Loaded Question?
Published on September 10, 2004 By pseudosoldier In Personal Relationships
I have difficulties with the titular question. I find myself torn between "polite" and "honest." Regardless of language, I seem to choose "honest" and wind up putting my foot in it. (You may decide for yourself what "it" is in this context: my mouth, someone's posterior, or the dog crap on the ground.)

Case 1: Yesterday, a friendly Arab co-worker strolls in. "Good morning," I say, in Arabic. (Please note that I am not stating the fact that it is a good morning, I am wishing for him to have one.) "How are you?" he replies, also in Arabic, this time Iraqi dialect.
I falter. I want to tell him how upset I am in general, how frustrated I am at work, how I don't want to be here any more... but that all flies through my head in less than a second, as I couldn't possibly tell him all that, partially because my language skills hold me back (my instructors insisted there was no word for "frustrated" and that I should use "angry" instead; I could not decide if that made me "angry" or "angry"), and partially because I'm simply not allowed to yell at these people or even be that negative towards them in general.
So, I tell him, in Arabic, "Not bad." My standard lie in these situations. And then he corrects me, tells me I should say, "Everything's great/Very well" in Iraqi, and how to say it.

Case 2: This morning, my squad leader/battle buddy/mentor/friend asks me how I am. I decide to be honest. After I'm done being honest, and after the formation that happens right after that, I get scolded for "bitching at him."
meh

I understand that it's merely a pleasantry. I'm not really supposed to say how I am. People don't expect you to go into a diatribe about work or a narrative about how you think that the pain in your back will be permanent or your concerns about your relationship or how upset you were about the last episode of Babylon 5.

But I hate that question.

Comments (Page 1)
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on Sep 10, 2004
Dude, the last episode of Babylon 5 tore me up. I was soooooooo, so sad. I cried. I cried for like, half an hour.

Take care buddy.
on Sep 10, 2004
I got fed up with this question when my husband was in Korea. Anytime someone saw me or called they asked me how I was doing. Some people I could be honest with, but not most. If I told them the truth it sounded like a pity-party (I thought) and I had to fight back the tears.

That's almost as loaded a question as, "So, Where are you from?" When you're in the military or married to the military. I'ts hard not to ask that question, but when I'm asked I'm not sure what to answer (5 states, 11 cities, 15 homes--where do you start?).

Hope things get better soon....
on Sep 10, 2004
That's almost as loaded a question as, "So, Where are you from?"


Yeah! I hate that one. So I'm born in Okinawa, Japan. No, I'm NOT Japanese...do I *look* Japanese even a little bit? (red hair, blue eyes, lots of freckles=me). *sigh* I gotta get that tattoo: a tag that states "Made in Japan from American Products."
on Sep 10, 2004
"Made in Japan from American Products."



I love it!!!!
on Sep 10, 2004
I know this feeling very well. It is tough to respond to this question. You have to decide if you want to tell the truth (whether it's a 'I'm on cloud 9' type answer or a 'I'm in the pit of hell' type answer). You have to decide if the other person really wants, needs, or deserves to know the truth.

I've taken to answering this question with - "I'm here." and letting them decide what that may mean. If they really want to know more, they ask. At that point, all bets are off and I answer honestly, good or bad, 5 minutes or 30 minutes. If they ask me what that means, I answer again with 'I'm here' and leave it up to them to pursue. If they don't want to know more, they just laugh it off and I'll join in and it ends there easily enough.
on Sep 10, 2004
If it's sideways, okay to talk. If it's upwards in chain of command or cadre, lie.

Always lie or blow it off without really answering. Smile a huge smile and hide it way down inside. If you tell the truth, you'll:

a. get in trouble (as with your squad leader this morning or worse)
b. they'll try to make you feel better (usually with horrible advice rather than listening)
or c. they'll try to fix it by meddling horribly in your personal life or god help you requiring you attend useless counseling.

Feeling bad in the military is low morale and may affect others or yourself, and is therefore an unforgivable sin, much like getting sick or injured. If you feel bad in a foreign language, feel free to say so. That's what culture clash is for.
on Sep 10, 2004
Do I have to tell you STFU, n00b? Or should I just point at the first paragraph of your own advice...



Ah, my own (Nobody) Special punching bag... much needed stress relief. BTW, good job today (post whore).

on Sep 10, 2004
In China people ask me if my hair is real...I have dreadlocks.

the most annoying question however is whenever I answer my phone and my friends say "where are you now?" what the..?! why?
on Sep 10, 2004
Or just say "I'm here". Hey! that's my line.
It must be said with a sour expression that forbids questions though.
on Sep 10, 2004

Or just say "I'm here". Hey! that's my line.

I just say I am great and then work some more....after all fuck em...

Dude, the last episode of Babylon 5 tore me up. I was soooooooo, so sad. I cried. I cried for like, half an hour.

it was nothing compared to the last episode of Space Above and Beyond.

 

on Sep 11, 2004
Or just say "I'm here". Hey! that's my line.
It must be said with a sour expression that forbids questions though.


see that would just lead to more annoying more personal questions, the whole point of the answer totally lost in translation.
on Sep 11, 2004
No, it really doesn't Wu,
I outrank most of them and if they get nosey I can make them do push ups!
on Sep 11, 2004
Hot Chow! [/hotchow]
on Sep 26, 2004
If it's sideways, okay to talk. If it's upwards in chain of command or cadre, lie.Always lie or blow it off without really answering. Smile a huge smile and hide it way down inside. If you tell the truth, you'll:a. get in trouble (as with your squad leader this morning or worse)b. they'll try to make you feel better (usually with horrible advice rather than listening)or c. they'll try to fix it by meddling horribly in your personal life or god help you requiring you attend useless counseling.

That's crap...if that's what you feel then come SEE MELink. If your dumb fuck squad leader has anything to say, he can come see me too. I'm on your side. I am no the enemy. If anyone tells you diferent, tell me, I will have their stripes. Yo have my word.
Peace,
SFC C

Link

on Sep 27, 2004

If your dumb fuck squad leader

I am pretty sure that his reluctance was not derived from his squad leader (who is not a dumb fuck...very professional that) but from his experience in the Army as a whole. If you think that that sort of perception is hard to come by then you are the one wearing the blinders.

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