Published on July 28, 2004 By pseudosoldier In Dogs
We weren't looking for a dog. Sure, the subject had come up before. We had a dog for about 12 hours one day, a stray that she had seen outside. They had bathed it, and named it, and then went to get it some dog food and to pick me up from work. But she had left it in the backyard while they were gone, unsure as to whether it was housebroken, and it had gotten out of the fence. We never saw it again.

But he would still mention it, even a year later, which seemed pretty amazing considering not only the limited amount of time the dog had been here, but also his age. He would pretend that one of his toys, this plastic dog with bright red wheels instead of legs, was a real dog, and he'd pet it, and hold it, and take it to bed with him.

She went to visit her mother, who has a useless dog. A chihuahua, and an ill-tempered one at that. She claims he eats her asthma. I'm not sure she ever had asthma, but I'm pretty sure that she's convinced that it's gone, and the dog gets the credit. She had been suckered into taking in another useless dog, also a Mexican midget, but hers didn't like the new one. So she talked to him. And then he talked to his mother. "Maybe we can take him home with us?"

I received notification of the impending dog ownership after it was no longer a question. Not a "I was thinking about it and would it be okay..." but a "We're bringing it home and I hope you don't kill it..." But, there was good new. It was housebroken. It didn't bark. It was much nicer than the other chihuahua. He loves it, both of them do. So, I held my tongue, for the most part, only making mild noises about taking care of it, can we take it back if it attacks children, does the little one seem allergic to it.

It's here. Useless little thing. And it gets on the furniture, and she allows it. It wouldn't eat its food at first, and the little one started feeding it pizza. It sleeps in bed with us. It took a shit on the floor last night. It barked at me when I came home yesterday.

But we're keeping it. He loves it too much. It's his friend, Tibby, it's his pupper, it's his good dog. So I have to not kill it, whether it be chihuahua football, letting it outside in a rainstorm, or intentionally rolling over on it in bed. Useless dog.

The only thing I hope for is that it will kill the cockroaches.

on Jul 28, 2004
The cockroaches will be pimping it out for cheap malt liquor inside a week.
on Jul 28, 2004
Aww...I love chihuahuas. I am sure it is not a useless dog, and you do have to go with the little guys on this one. Give them my love : )

"Fuck Kerry"
on Jul 30, 2004
I am a little confused by all the pronouns, but you have a chihuahua. I understand that much you, unfortunate soul.
on Aug 05, 2004
Oh how I hate chihuahuas unledss they are broiled just right.