I guess it just hits me this time of year, or maybe it's because the boys are around. They remind me of their mother and how I don't have someone any more. I guess there's probably more to it than that, but I can't fight through the haze I always seem to be in lately.
I'm a high stress guy anyway, and it seems like I'm piling it on myself lately. Color Guard NCOIC, both for the Joint Service and for my Battalion. At least I'm not in charge for the Army Ball, although I volunteered to go and help with the event. Nothing like a fancy dress shindig without a date to make you feel alone. I volunteered to go to the NCO of the quarter board again, even though they kicked me out of the last one (especially because they kicked me out of the last one), and of course I feel unprepared.
Even happy things are stressful. Having my sons around is a lot of work and I'm constantly exhausted. My parents will be coming for a visit and I feel terrible that the apartment is still a wreck. Bad that they'll have to put up with it (and that my mother may feel obliged to clean) and embarassed that I'm not taking care of myself like I should be. It's cleaner in some respects than it had been, but it still needs a lot of work. And some bookcases. And some shelves to keep my DVDs/CDs/VHS tapes/XBox games on.
And I procrastinate, of course. Too much time on the 'net, too much time in front of a screen.
Well, I just have to suck it up, I suppose.